I have a very keen sense of being able to figure out if someone in interested in me. Their interest is usually broken down into categories that can overlap like – economic benefit, network benefit, sexual interest, intelligence interest, interest in mentorship and etc. I cannot control or care to control someone’s interest in me…it is what you do with that interest that bothers me.
So this is where my grievance resides:
Just because I (or someone) likes a kink doesn’t mean they want to do it with you.
Now my partner asked me how would I like people to approach me that share interests in with me since I feel like that. It is important for me to state this…I’m not stupid. I can figure out very quickly if you have interest in the kink I enjoy or if you want want me to touch your dick or vagina. I can figure out very quickly if you actually want to talk about the kink and may be open, if I am, to doing a scene or if you just want to be alone and naked with me.
I can smell your pheromones a mile away.
There is a reason why I don’t do pick up play. There are people are I would like to do scenes with in the community (like 2…) and that’s because I’ve watched them play and I like their techniques. I am the type of person who will ask when I am ready. Till then I cultivate conversation with them to see their interests and such.
Do not assume that because I like _____________ means I want to do it to you or have you do it to me.
That is a huge issue in the community where you guys are so focused on “being inclusive and non-judgmental” that you assume that just because I like to _________ means I can’t tell you no. There are people who just like to invite theirselves into my kink. It is like I am expected to say “yes”. And the folks suggesting this shit to me aren’t new to the community (as in new to kink).
So let’s let it be known:
As of now, my partner is the only person on the books who I allow to top me. If you have asked to top me for a scene the reason why I withdrew was because I believe you are trying to add a plaque on your wall of “Domming” Cocoa, your techniques are trash, and or your interests has more to do with sex.
Intimate aftercare and kinks (waxing, massaging, washing, pouring tea, caressing, and etc.) are reserved for my partner(s) and the bottom in my dynamic. They are not for your fucking pleasure, they are for their pleasure.
I am not a goddamn collectible. You will not get to top me if you think it means you win an award.
I am not going to pretend like I find everyone attractive because I dont. My kink has a basis in power but I need to find you attractive to do certain things. Please stop assuming that I can’t say “no” because I will.
Stop putting me on the spot in public and asking me to do shit with you or insinuating your interest to do something kinky. There are only two people in the community that can do that right now without question. When people do that I tend to have to hide my true SELF and continue being firm, but kind Cocoa…when in reality I want to throw my drink in your face.
Just because you are a woman doesn’t mean you get special services from me. I will still check you.
