“When you were abused as a child, were you choked?” I was shocked at the question. SHOCKED! I was immediately offended when asked.
I was with someone recently who I requested for him to choke me. I have fantasized about it many times. I was also under the impression this person could deliver the sensation and pleasure I have imagined. He did great. Great until he stopped. I believe he did simply because we didn’t discuss/negotiate choking to what degree. I don’t think either of us were expecting me to really love it that much and would have wanted to be choked out… Well, I knew I loved it. Now, once he asked that question after… I was caught off guard and offended instantly.
I took offense to a ligitimate question, considering he knew of my twisted childhood abuse. I thought “HOW DARE HE ASK THAT! I REQUESTED AND TOLD HIM ABOUT ONE OF THE THINGS IM INTERESTED IN FOR PLEASURE” and it must be really weird and odd for him to think it was part of my abuse. I wanted to scream “JUST BECAUSE ITS WARPED DOESN’T MEAN ITS ABUSE RELATED!!!”
I get defensively hurt, even when that’s not someone’s intent towards me. He was being kind and asking so he could get a better understanding of where I was at. I felt judged and looked at as not whole. I jumped immediately into that part of me who just wants to find my people who understand me and he was trying. Too late. I was on the defense mentally. Live and fucking learn.
Now the question I can’t get off my mind today is this: Is it typical for women to enjoy things that were once abusive? I remember my abuse specifically. I don’t desire the “warped” things in kink that mimic my abuse. Never have. I didn’t think I needed to explain that. BUT MAYBE it’s a more legitimate question than I ever thought.
What is typical or consistent in BDSM when it comes to women, their past abuse and their preference of kinks they are now into? Do women really find pleasure in things that were once horribly abusive? It’s a foreign concept to me to want that but I am very curious to get perspectives on this.
(Oh and ps. IF WE CONSENT TO CHOKING— DONT PUSSY OUT!) lol
(Pss. I won’t request anything that had to do with my personal abuse. Been there. Done that.❤️)
